Remember Me
by Janigrl
Summary: In which Karkat reflects on everything that has happened in search of comfort /JohnKat, Not establish, but with history, Homestuck Acts 1-5, Oneshot


And now the truth comes out. I am a homestuck fan. I also ship just about everyone, and let me just say that there is a serious lack of homestuck fics on here. But fortunately I will be adding to the bunch now and very shortly later on. Got some 'stuck fics planned. I love pairings with either Karkat or Sollux or both because they're such great fodder for angst 3 So here's a fic that I hope will turn out well, it doesn't really have much of a plot and its not so much a pairing as just about Karkat, but still. I love his character. This fic was based off the song Echo, and I reccomend you listen to it. Pretty epic.

Author: Jani

Title: Remember Me (Like Vriska's song, which I adore)

Rating: T for slight romantic themes, language and angst that small children wouldn't appreciate

Character(s):Karkat Vantas, John Egbert

Warning: There is small yaoi content, non-sexual, but still in an implied romantic way. This fic is based on the events that happened in acts 1 - 5, and it isn't very AU. If you haven't read all of those, be prepared for possible spoilers.

Disclaimer: I do not own Homestuck. Hussie does. Nuff said.

* * *

Karkat sighed as he stared at his computer screen. Trollian was up and the line that signaled it was ready for him to begin writing was blinking. The chat that was open showed that Karkat was in a conversation with someone else, but the chat itself was blank. No one had said a word yet, both parties seemingly waiting for something.

The dark haired troll sighed. While this was not something he usually did, he had been talked into it until he had consented, going along with this plan. This moment, this blank page meant it was time for him to begin, to close his eyes and tell his story, let out all the things he couldn't tell anyone, couldn't revisit. That is to say, until now.

Karkat glanced around the small room he was in to verify what he already knew; he was alone, no one watching. It was time. He had after all agreed to do this. He took another breath before he began to type. This was serious business, so he didn't even have caps lock on as he wrote.

[I'm ready. And you promise not to interrupt or judge anything I say until I'm done right?]

- I promise. -

[Ok. Here goes. I guess after all of this I'm not _mad,_ just sort of guilty, and sad of course. Yeah I know. Great words to describe why I've been so out of it lately. It's just... I've been thinking about it a lot more lately and I guess I figure I'm to blame for everything.

Our two teams...we thought this was all just a game at first. Another harmless game that we could all play and hopefully win. We went in so ambitious, but we were wrong. Stupid. This wasn't even really about us. It started with our ancestors, and when they couldn't win, they set it up to give us the second chance. We were supposed to do the saving. Needless to say, we clearly fucked that up. But its wasn't really 'us' that fucked it up. It wasn't you either. When it boils down to it, simple logic points to...me. Specifically me and me alone.

My team...some of them were brilliant to be honest. They put up a good fight, bought us time, but it was because of what I did that fucked you up that fucked us up. Everything is my fault. I was supposed to be the leader, but clearly I did a pretty shitty job of it. All of this madness I let happen while I was either sitting around doing nothing, or fucking up the ectobiology...it blows my mind. This was a game, no one was supposed to die. I mean yes, in my culture that's not such a bad thing, killing to show dominance, but these were my friends.

We began as 12 and yet now there's only 5 of us left? Over half now lay dead somewhere far from home. Alternia...it's gone now but I'll remember how simple life was back home, other than the quadrants anyway. Back when I was worried about movies, romance, computer games...I would choose that any day over this, watching my friends die, fighting for survival myself and living in fear.

This must be Hell, punishment for what a half assed job I did as 'leader', how I ruined your lives and your entire planet gone wasted. Tavros, Feferi, Nepeta, Aradia, Eridan, Equius, and even Vriska...I still can't believe all of them are dead. As leader I can't help but feel responsible for each and every one of those deaths...if I could've just kept track of everyone, gotten them to work together and maybe acted like an actual leader should have, they might still be alive.

And Sollux...now he's finally rid of his hated lisp, yes, but he's lost his sight indefinitely, he'll have to learn to see again some other way. Kanaya is badly injured, I don't even know if she'll be okay, I mean I though she was dead. I'm still not really sure how she did it, seemingly ressurect herself. This is the ragtag remnants of my once great and hopeful team? These two injured, Gamzee on the edge of sanity, and Terezi, plagued by the smell of death everywhere?

This is not what I wanted, not what I planned. And while I know it won't fix anything and doesn't mean much at this point, I'm sorry. I am so sorry and I wish it didn't have to be like this. But it is. There are some days where I feel I should have died along with the better half of us, some days I think living like this is worse and exactly what I deserve. I just need someone to know that I truly am sorry, I always will be.]

There was silence as the other chatter took all this in, understanding most all of it.

- Lucky for you, I'm pretty sure everyone, living and dead would agree that it isn't your fault. Nothing to forgive. -

[...Thanks John. Really. This...helps. It's a start anyway.]

- Hey, that's what I'm here for. I'll be here if you need someone to talk to, whenever. :B -

Karkat read John Ebert's last line and logged off, feeling as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. This didn't mean everything was okay, but at least he didn't have to dwell on the past so much now that it was out in the open. Instead, he could try to live. To help. And while he couldn't fix what was so badly broken, he was on the way to adjusting, and maybe one day he could come to terms with the fact that no one blamed himm for what happened.

* * *

I've had this rotting in here much too long. Here you go. I was going to try and write more, but I won't lie, I wrote this a long time ago, so maybe not as impressive as a spontaneous update days after the last one, but whatever. Enjoy, or not, your choice. Please read and review, etc. c:


End file.
